Just one question. WHY?

 Age 5, just came home from kindergarten. Threw my bag on the floor, grabbed the TV remote, switched on the channel to my favourite cartoon while lying down on the sofa without even taking off my shoes. It's 40 degree celcius outside and mum brings my favourite drink, Rasna, along with some snacks. I used to believe magic is unreal only until the day when I slept on sofa while watching TV and 'magically' found myself on the bed upon getting up. It's 5:30 in the evening and my friends are outside my house shouting my name to come out and play. I get up all energetic and join my friends for the game. The park is filled with kids like me, some are on the rides while some are playing. I'm playing with my friends when I see a new boy coming towards us. He comes to us and asks, "I'm Abhi, can I also play with you?" and we all, without even thinking for a second, said, "Yes". Those were the good days when we had a real smile on our face, when we used to make friends for real and not only those with whom we see a personal motive getting fulfilled. Those were the happy days. The only stress we had back then was, "it's 5:10 already...I missed 10 minutes of my favourite cartoon". I used to enjoy every bit of my childhood BUT Even after all this, there was a little part of my heart that wanted me to grow up...wanted me to be independent...wanted me to be a free bird! Little did I know that it's the stones that I'm wishing for while I already have diamonds in my hands. 
LIFE WAS GREAT!

Age 15, adolescent stage of life. The period where we all experience physical, hormonal and emotional changes in ourselves. The age where we are more concerned about how we look rather than how we are...where we start getting attracted towards the opposite gender a bit more...where some of us start feeling like trapped in our houses...some even start thinking their parents as their enemy! I was in class 9th with almost zero interest in studies. I was good in cricket and thought of having a career in same, but was unaware, that being a part of an Indian middle class household you cannot choose anything for yourself on your own. So, obviously, my parents said a big no for what I thought of as my future path and completely shattered my dreams. *sigh* 
What to do now? I'm not good in Maths, not in Social Science and not at all in Science. So, I had to join number of tuition classes and ended up unnecessarily pressurising myself. How do I tell people I can't handle this pressure? How do I overcome my fear of getting failed? But, I realised that if my own parents are not able to understand me, why would anyone else be interested? It hit me hard and that's when I started keeping my problems, my issues and everything related to me to myself only. Even after all of this, I used to like my school, only because of the few of my friends. Even the worst of my moods used to easily get vanished whenever my school friends were around. The only burden at that point in life was the weight of the school bag. The so-called stress was limited to completing the homework. 
LIFE WAS GOOD...though at one point it felt like hell but bhai tumhara warrior hai, akele lad liya.

Today, when I look back, I just blame myself for how my life have been. I blame myself for living life on someone else's terms, I blame myself for losing friends while growing up and blame myself for how am I living my life now. WHY did I not convince my parents. WHY did I never shared anything with anyone. WHY did I not give any importance to my friends. WHY do I take people for granted. WHY did I ever wished to grow up. And not just this, there are a lot more WHYs which are running in my mind for such a long time now. I'm always fighting with myself, trying to console myself and moreover, trying to convince myself that I'm happy! At this point, life is niether good nor bad...and not at all great! It just feels like a old hindi song which goes like, "Duniya mein agar aaye hain toh jeena hi padega" 
And I'm sure it's not just me but there must be so many people feeling the same way or have ever felt like that even for once! So, for anyone who is reading this, I would like to share a thing that I experienced and learned while growing up, 'Never ignore your problems that are in front of you, no matter how small or big it is. Ignoring it might give you a temporary relief but it will not be solved like that, rather it would take a complex turn and may come back and hit you harder. Learn to face the complexities of life because that is how it goes! If you're having a mental breakdown, do not sit quite. Let it out with somene who understands you, who will support you and that special can be your friend or your family or anyone with whom you share a bond. Do not just survive, rather just live your life. You just need to find that special one, that is all it takes'